What? I think too much? No I’ve never… who told you that? Those people must be dirty communists who hate freedom.
We’re rounding the end of the year. I just turned twenty five.
The most… wonderful time… of the yearrrrrr…
This is just going to be a lightly-edited public deluge of the piranha-like thoughts swimming around the sea of my brain.
This is the main problem: There are too many things I want to do.
I want to collaborate and create exciting performance pieces with people.
I want to tell one-man stories on stage.
I want to write a zillion things.
I want to start a Dungeons and Dragons campaign.
I want to take up Tai Chi.
I want weekly board game nights.
I want to play more video games because those are fun and I like those.
I want to read more. Yeah, I know I read a lot, but I want to read EVEN MORE.
I want to learn more skills to become a well-rounded person.
I want to record music.
I want to livestream… something… I don’t know what… but… I just… I want to…
I want to do SO MANY THINGS.
But holy shit man, TIME. And ENERGY. There’s NOT ENOUGH OF EITHER.
Because if I try and work on all of these, I’m ultimately going to end up working on none of these. It’s just too much.
I want to be able to devote every waking second to creativity and bettering myself. But I also know that when I’m tired at 6 PM, the last thing I want to do is boot up my writing program and hammer out a thousand words.
But ALSO - get over yourself Drew. DISCIPLINE.
I know… but also the bed is comfy. But also did I mention I’m tired? We can play Slay the Spire. It’ll be fun.
So there’s that.
There’s not going to be a lot of resolution here. I’m thinking about a lot of stuff and I ultimately need to work everything out for myself. Maybe getting it all in a public place will help more?
I want to finish more things. I want to get more writing in front of people’s eyes who are not my close friends.
This has been a big struggle of mine. There’s a project I’ve been working on for half a year. It was not supposed to take half a year. It’s still not done.
I want to spend my time better, but I don’t know how. I feel like I have a “to-do” system that works, but again it comes down to getting myself to do things when I don’t feel like it. Getting myself to stop going for YouTube when I could be going for my notebooks.
Setting my own deadlines doesn’t help. If I set a deadline, what do you think the probability is of the deadline getting moved?
The answer is: very fucking high.
Congratulations, the production team will be giving you your prize backstage.
So there’s those things.
I’ve been really wondering what my values are. It’s not something I’ve actively thought about in a long time, but it feels imperative that I get that shit sorted out. Other than “don’t be a dick,” I don’t have a whole lot of meat on the malnourished bones of my values system.
Yeah, I don’t got a good conclusion for this. I want to figure out a way to do it all without burning myself out. I’m not one of those people who can operate on perpetual low sleep. Bad things happen when I don’t get enough.