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The Virtues of Coffee

How I love thee...

Seen here, the Gremlin, consuming his daily dose of AWESOME

Seen here, the Gremlin, consuming his daily dose of AWESOME

...let me count the ways.

Thou art an earthy flavor, designed to liquidize my gullet each and every morning like a lava floe made of pure energy.

Thou art stimulating and keep my heart up and pump pump pump my brain when all my body feels slow.

Thou doth create wondrous ideas in this too too neurotic head.

Thou art a reason to wake up.

Thou art two bucks when I want you black (and I do, oh yes yes yes, I do...).

Thou art a design of the gods, a surety that there is, in fact, good in the omniverse.

Thou art secreted out of the anus of a firefly, so that doth be pretty cool.

Thou art able to slay yetis in high enough dosages.

Thou hast taken pictures with celebrities. Good on thee.

Thou art on the secret council of reptiles beneath the earth; they do not know that thou hast penetrated their inner circle, for thou art stealthy.

Thou wilt cause a war in the year 2048.

Thou art making me vibrate - if I doth do more, then perhaps this chair shalt shatter...

Thou art holding a knife to my throat, oh how dominant; confidence is sexy and I doth enjoyeth the sexiest of caffeinated beverages.

Thou art not letting me call for help, thou hast broken my phone with such aforementioned vibrations. Thy dominance is unparalleled.

Though art the fuel for a good day's creative work.

Thou art the favorite beverage of dolphins.

Thou doth cure ailments such as gout and scurvy and space herpes. Thou art a mensch.


Thou art slain.




Thou art filling my veins.

When an Idea Just Won't Come

Looking Out